By the time I got to my due date I was feeling pretty miserable. I was starting to really believe I was going to be pregnant forever. My Lucy decided not to come for five more days after my due date. At about 3 am on June 14th I started feeling contractions. We went to the hospital and they had me walk around for an hour to see if there was any change. The contractions hurt, but not bad enough that I couldn't talk through them. They sent me home (talk about disappointment) and I spent the whole day trying to kick start myself into labor. I'll never forget walking around Fred Meyer with mom, Bella, and Lily and stopping every few minutes to ride out a contraction. We even went to the park that night so that I could swing on the swings... (yeah, we were trying everything!)
That night, things finally started happening. The contractions were extremely painful at this point and every 2 to 3 minutes. At about 5 am on June 15th, we were on our way for the 2nd time to the hospital. This time I knew I wouldn't be able to walk around so I opted to sit in the jacuzzi for an hour (nice!) and an hour later I had dilated so they admitted me.
By this time, all my determination to tough it out without an epidural had gone out the window. I was barely keeping it together with each contraction. Waiting for the anesthesiologist was torture. My hormones were so whack that I would shake uncontrollably for several minutes at a time. When the anesthesiologist came he had to stick me 3 times with that long needle because I couldn't stop shaking. Yeah it was painful, but it was so worth it! I could've kissed him when 15 minutes later I was pain free! After two days of painful contractions and no sleep... I finally got a nap. Mom and Chase had been with me the whole time up to this point but after I got the drugs, Lily, Isabelle, and Dad came to the hospital too. We had a big room all to ourselves and we watched a couple movies and I slept while we waited for the big finale.
At about 3, I had dilated to a 10 and I felt the urge to push. I thought that epidural=pain free labor but I was in for a rude awakening. Pushing wasn't so bad at first and then all of a sudden it was horrific! I became one of those straining to push moms in all those horrible videos. Bella and Lily hadn't wanted to stay for the delivery and even my dad sat in a corner (so he couldn't see anything) and wasn't far away. Finally, after an hour and a half of pushing, they let me pull out little Lucy and put her on my chest. I can still remember holding her for the first time and her little gooey hand on my face. Our special moment was cut short though because she couldn't stop coughing up the gunk in her lungs. I wanted to cry when they took her from me and she spent an hour in the NICU. I was glad Chase went with her and got to hold her all to himself. I remember sitting there after they took her from me and feeling so physically and emotionally drained. I was so happy when they brought her back.
I enjoyed the rest of our time at the hospital. It's pretty nice having nurses check in on you and get you whatever you want and being able to send your baby to the nursery whenever you need to sleep. I read recently that the stay at the hospital is like the "honeymoon" phase and I absolutely agree. It wasn't till after we got home that I was hit with sleep deprivation, physical pain, and baby blues. I had days where I had absolutely no idea how I was going to do this. After the first week, I became a little bit more like myself again. Lucy started sleeping more and we fell into a kind of routine. Breastfeeding is slowly becoming easier and less painful and I'm starting to feel more like I know what I'm doing and I actually am capable of keeping a tiny human alive.
I had always imagined that the bond between me and my baby would be instantaneous and in a way it was but I've figured out that it's more like a "get to know you" process. I'm still learning all her cries and her faces and noises. It's an amazing feeling looking at that tiny, beautiful face and knowing that she is yours and you are hers. I fall in love with her a little more every day. I have no idea what I did to deserve to be this happy. I feel so incredibly blessed to have a husband who loves me and a beautiful little girl and I know that this is why I was created. This is why my life matters.
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